on losing focus before finding it….

Posted by on Feb 3, 2014 in perspective | 0 comments

I started the year, as I do every year, with great intentions. Usually this plan germinates during Christmas break, when I find myself out of my routine with extra time on my hands. If I was smart (and obviously, I am not), I would use Christmas break to get a head start on everything I want to do in January, but usually, I am so drop-dead exhausted from the frantic pace of December that I just veg out and eat piles of cookies. This year, I think I ate at least two dozen gingerbread cookies over the span of five days.

Back to my good intentions.

My plan all revolved around one word – “Focus”. I started a YouVersion plan to read through the Bible in one year, I bought a book called “Focus” (it was the obvious choice), and I started contemplating what else I could do to demonstrate my ability to focus…like watching television without my laptop open.

Ben was skeptical. In fact, when I told him my “word”, he looked at me and said that focus is probably the last word he would use to describe me.

Ouch. Was I really that obviously scattered and distracted?

But then J-term started, my Focus book got buried under a pile of mail, and the decongestant I was on for my sinus infection made me too drowsy to even look at my YouVersion app, let alone stay awake long enough to read it. I began to think that Ben was right, and that I chose too lofty a goal for myself. Why didn’t I choose the word “multi-task” for the year or maybe “overcommit”? I’m already good at those things!

I decided to look up the definition, something I should have done at the beginning of the year. There were plenty of definitions, but the one I liked the best was,  “To direct toward a particular point or purpose”. Hmmm….

Maybe I was going about it all wrong. I thought that I needed to pick tasks that demanded focus, but perhaps it was more about choosing activities that point me towards my “particular point or purpose” and getting rid of what doesn’t fit? It sounds great, until I try and narrow down my purpose down to just one point. I really just want to keep doing everything and be everything to everybody, just be better at it. It’s my kryptonite. 

What I really need is to narrow my vision, sharpen my focus, and head in one direction, not 75. I’ll be honest; I don’t know how to do that very well. Ben’s right. It’s just not my thing.

I guess I have 11 more months to figure it out.

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