About 10 a.m. this morning, Ben walked to the back of the office where I was wrapping baskets and told me that it was official…the deal was off. The buyer for our house had decided to walk away from the purchase, and even though we had been expecting the news since last night, quick tears sprung to my eyes. We were back to square one, and I was seriously bummed out.
Disappointments are nothing new. Not being asked to a banquet in high school…someone else getting the part in a play…not getting into the college you wanted…getting laid off from a job you love…they have happened at all stages of my life, taking away what I thought was the “right plan” and replacing it with something else.
I can’t say that I have always responded appropriately. I have done my fair share of kicking and screaming, complaining, and telling God that my plan is much better than His. But this time around, when I was in the “thick” of my despair, I heard a still small voice in my head saying, “Do you think I won’t provide? Do you think I will let you go?” Of course, I think God will provide…I KNOW God will provide. It makes my stress seem silly in comparison.
So yes, I was disappointed and sad…and more than a little annoyed at her for wasting our time. But I know that God is good. And just as He has done in the past, YES, he will provide. I didn’t go to my first choice college, but where I ended up was absolutely the best place for me (plus I met Ben). I was laid off from a job I loved, but it gave me time to finish my masters degree and plan our wedding.
It is ALWAYS better in the long run to not push your own agenda, but to hang onto life softly, letting God direct your path.
After dinner tonight, Ben and I started to wash the dishes, and talk about how thankful we were that we didn’t get into a difficult situation with the buyer, and how we probably are looking at the spring. At that very moment, the phone rang and it was a realtor who wanted to show the house…tomorrow.
I’m not saying it is the person who is going to buy our house. But I am saying that I am learning, one hard day at a time, how to trust in God’s provision instead of my own plan. It is difficult and exhausting, but at the end of the day…so worth it.
Okay, so I commented on your previous post before reading your latest post (I go in order from where I last stopped reading) 🙂 And I’m still going to say…do not worry. God will take care of you in His timing. And the right buyer will come along in time (prayerfully sooner than later). Because your new adventure is still awaiting you and your family. And with all the new memories that come with it. 🙂
@Taylor: Thanks for your perspective. I love the idea of signing all the papers and moving on the next phase of life, so that brought a smile to my face. 🙂
What a bummer, Rachel – the same thing happened a few months ago to my sister, and it’s just so…rude. I hope that the showing and interest lead to something soon for you. And you are so right about hanging on to life “softly” – it saves the pain of having to get our grip ripped off, yes?
@kate – It’s a constant reminder to me to not get “too attached” to the things of this world. Our small group is reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan and he talks about how we should be living like our citizenship is in heaven…and I don’t think I do that very well! Such a temporary thing, but it makes such an impact on the here and now…thanks for the thoughts!!