I received two emails this month asking me if I was interested in teaching classes this fall. Of course not, I thought, as I read my email, but I couldn’t bring myself to write back an immediate “no”. Instead, they sat in my inbox for at least three days…a lifetime in tech time…as I mustered up the gumption to turn them down.
Intellectually, I knew that I couldn’t…shouldn’t be teaching right now. The amount of time and work just doesn’t fit into my schedule, and I have already filled that time with other things, but still…I hesitated.
When you are in the habit of always saying, “sure, I can do that”, it is tough to turn things down, especially good things. I’m working on it…one “no” at a time.
But what I have been really thinking about lately is my “re-entry strategy”. I sometimes feel like a spaceship orbiting the atmosphere of the “working world”, biding my time until just the right moment where I will smoothly and safely re-enter a more normal, linear career path.
But I still worry sometimes…
I worry about what will happen when that moment comes. Will I bounce off the atmosphere and float around in the fringes of the working world? Will I zoom back in, only to burn up in re-entry, my skills outdated and my mind hazy, not able to hack a normal working situation? Will I have networked with the right people, maintained the right skills, updated the right technology, learned the right buzzwords?
It’s one of the reasons I held on to my teaching job as long as I possibly could, even when it had crossed over the edge from feasible to overwhelming. I was terrified that if I left, I could never go back. Once I was off the radar screen, they would find other, more qualified people to fill those spots, and when I wanted to work again, I would be out of luck. It seems more than a little paranoid, but I kept thinking about reviewing resumes in a previous job, and seeing resume after resume of women who had huge gaps in their work experience, and I always told myself that I wouldn’t be one of those resumes.
I thought I had moved past this, because I’m truly enjoying my life right now. Being around more for the kids…helping out at Ben’s firm…managing MomColoredGlasses, but they are all so non-linear…so non-definable. I know who I intrinsically am, but the description eludes me. If I wanted to explain to someone I just met “who I am” and what I “do”, I stumble around for words, because I’m not sure what to say…
Stay at home mom? Yes…but that’s not all I do…
Part-time employee? Sure…if four hours a week counts…
Co-editor of a website? Yup…even though we don’t make any money…
I’m not sure what path my career is going to take. It has been as unpredictable as my two-year old’s temper tantrums. But I think I have to learn to be okay with it. To trust my decisions and capitalize on the opportunities that come my way, however non-linear they might be. That doesn’t mean that I won’t keep networking and keeping my skills fresh, but worrying seems like a waste of time.
Re-entry? I think I will streak a brilliant flame across the sky…not because I will be crashing and burning, but because I will forge my own path…
oh………..this is hard to read, because i feel right there….in between a rock and a hard place.
awesome! I’m sure you will blaze a bright path. I too spend a ton of time worrying about this…but you’re right, it’s just not worth the worry time.
I feel like there is so much more credibility put towards a traditional career path instead of one that bobs and weaves into many different arenas…hopefully that continues to change! Glad to hear that I’m not alone…:)