People don’t change, choices change…

We are in the thick of watching the final season of Lost (no groans from any non-losties please), where they have introduced an intriguing storyline. The main characters are shown both on the island they are “lost” on and in a separate reality where their plane didn’t crash.

How this “flash-sideways” fits into the larger story is cause for much speculation. Pick any 10 fans and you will probably get 10 different answers. Personally, I find it fascinating to contrast how their decisions in the two realities send them down very different paths. For example, one character is a con-man in one reality and a cop who catches con-men in the other reality. He even says, in his cop persona, that there was a point where he either had to become a cop or a criminal, and he chose to become a cop. Ironic, considering the show details the outcome of the other path.

The point? Well, these two very different realities brought me to ponder an interesting idea: People don’t change, choices do. Granted, I firmly believe in the life-altering change that comes through a relationship with Christ, but I’m talking about the essence of personality that leads to behavior. Even the most hardened criminal who turns their life around will still be an introvert or crave routine. A child will mature (hopefully), but they will typically stay a jokester or a serious person as they grow up.

Here’s the kicker, though. It’s one thing to say, “well, this is just who I am, and I will never change”. It’s another thing to make conscious choices about how you are going to use (or not use) your personality traits. It’s the “cop or criminal” decision…maybe not so dramatic, but still important.

When I was younger, I used to tell myself that I was bad at small talk because I was “just an introvert”, so I wouldn’t even try. Granted, I am not the most outgoing person you will meet, but at that point, I hid behind my personality instead of choosing to work on my behavior. It took Ben’s encouragement, confidence boosting situations, and a little maturity to get me to realize that I was shortchanging myself. I’m still not striking up conversations in the cereal aisle, but I’m not letting it get in the way of developing fulfilling friendships.

Lately, I have been thinking about my tendency to be a harmonizer…a pleaser. It would be virtually impossible to eliminate this from my psyche; it’s part of who I am. And really, it’s not a “bad” thing. But I still need to be self-aware enough to see where it might send me down a “criminal” path. I sometimes find myself meeting other people’s needs at the expense of my own personal well-being. I sometimes find myself twisting myself into pretzels to keep the peace instead of keeping my nose out of other people’s business.

I will never get to see how my life would have been if I made different choices; that’s just the stuff of fiction. But while I can’t change who I am, I can work towards being the best version of myself possible. I can’t say that I have it all figured out, but it seems like a worthwhile goal to me.

— Rachel