I dashed down my street, gulping back tears as I ran. It had been a rough day, and I couldn’t help but feel like I was trying to escape from it all.
It all started at about 4 a.m., with yet another night of Fiona waking up screaming, and then started again when Madi and Parker trotted into our room at 7 a.m. I dragged myself into the shower, knowing that I was already starting the day at a disadvantage, considering the sleep deprivation headache that was pounding behind my eyes.
The day went from bad to worse, as I had to listen to the nurse at our pediatrician’s office tell me (nicely) that it was my fault that Fiona is crying at night because I had gotten her into the habit of being rocked back to sleep. Now, she says, we’ll have to listen to her scream herself back to sleep as we retrain her sleep habits. Nice.
Then there are the little things…Parker running away from me down the sidewalk, Fiona throwing everything into the toilet, a blown fuse (for the 1,000th time) when I try to use the microwave, a gallon of ice cream melted and refrozen in the freezer, Parker getting a shiner from walking behind Fiona’s swing, Madi melting down because I accidentally told her how to spell the wrong word. All little things, but as they pile up, I feel more and more defeated.
I run along, the burden of Fiona’s sleep problem pushing down on my shoulders, and all of the day’s frustrations tied to my ankles and rattling behind me. I looked up at the sky, tears welling up in my eyes, and it hits me. In all the craziness of the day, prayer had not made it off my to-do list either.
So, I started to talk to God, and as I did, thoughts started to fill my mind…
Passing a beautiful flower garden, I was reminded of the verse in Matthew 6: “See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?” If God can take care of each little flower, He can certainly meet my needs.
My frustrations seemed to fade away as the words to the song “Mighty to Save” by Hillsong came into my mind. “So take me as you find me, All my fears and failures, Fill my life again…My Savior, He can move the mountains, My God is mighty to save.” These words were my mantra when I was pregnant with Fiona, and I certainly knew there was Truth behind them.
The burden on my shoulders started to lift as I thought about the verse from Matthew 11:29 – 30, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Rest…boy, I needed that one.
And all of a sudden, I realized that I was heading back towards home, no longer trying to run away from my problems. My circumstances had not changed, but I stopped trying to “do it all” by myself. Instead, I claimed the promise that God would take care of my struggles, and could give me the rest I needed.
I went to bed early…and miraculously, Fiona slept through the night. Not one peep.
How’s that for answered prayer?
Amazing how time and time again God teaches us thru our kids. If only we could have learned right away, huh? This is me on any given day. Hope Fiona continues to sleep and you keep seeing God’s hand in every little detail in your life. Hugs to you.
We need to pray for each other in the middle of the night! I’ll pray for you and Fiona and you pray for Annie and me and one day, we will sleep again.
I was sorry to read about your rough day. 🙁 How nice that such a HUGE, Mighty God is willing to come and meet us on a run, though.
Denise – I definitely agree that I wish I learned my lessons the first time, just like I am always telling the kids. Thanks for the encouragement – I always love to read your comments, and I am sorry that I don’t comment more on your amazing blog!!
Amos – I will definitely send my prayers your way the next time I am awake with Fiona…the last two nights she slept – I’m almost convinced it is because she is wearing a fuzzy sleeper instead of summer pjs…but that would just be too easy, right? 🙂 Thanks for the message!!
Just another note of “Oh, I’ve been there – will be thinking of you and praying that it will be awhile before another rough day comes”. I always find myself trying to explain to Dan exactly what set the day wrong, and it’s always some little thing piled on top of another little thing; I try to remind myself to go over the little things that went right that day to sort of balance it all out. Helps me find God amid the chaos.
Hot, humid weather doesn’t help anything, tho’. We’re all just plain cranky right now and I swear our moods will clear as soon as the air does.
Press on!
Thanks Kate!!