This semester, I am teaching Organizational Communications, and for some reason, I have been drawing a lot of connections to my personal life. At first, this seemed peculiar, but the more I contemplated it, I realized that families are basically mini-organizations, so it makes sense that the theories hold true in both contexts.
Lately, I have been thinking about having flexible mental models. This is considered one of the characteristics of a “learning organization”, according to Peter Senge, and it basically says that individuals must engage in self-reflection, allowing them to first understand and then change the mental models that tend to guide their thinking. If you are not willing to adjust your mindset, then the organization won’t have the adaptability it needs to be successful.
Makes sense for organizations…and it makes sense for my life too…
For example, I am constantly cajoling Madi to eat her breakfast. She doesn’t have any problem eating her other meals, but for some reason, breakfast is not her thing. After one particularly frustrating morning, I started thinking that maybe I was approaching it the wrong way. Maybe I needed to stop trying to force on her my ideas of what breakfast “should” be, and start figuring out a better solution. Out with the toast and yogurt…in with something completely different…
This also comes into play when parenting more than one kid. It is easy to think, “well, it worked for the first kid, so it should work for the others”, but often this results in feeling like you are banging your head against a cement bunker. Discipline…potty training…learning…development… everything is different, so my mind feels like it is doing mental model gymnastics!
Potty training is another good example. When we were potty training Madi, she was easy to motivate. Give her an M & M for trying and two for going, and she was off to the races. Parker’s motivational makeup is a little more…complex. Nothing that worked for Madi is working for him. It’s almost like you are starting from scratch, minus the apprehension that comes from doing everything for the first time. But once I reminded myself that he is “not Madi”, I was able to start thinking outside of what I considered the status quo, and come up with a new strategy.
I’m sure that as the kids grow older, I’ll have to keep flexing my mental models to keep up with kids that (gasp) don’t want to follow in our footsteps, deal with ever-changing technology (can you imagine what it will be like in five years?), and handle the differences between raising girls and boys (especially as teenagers). I just hope that I don’t ever get to the point where I stop being willing to challenge my own perspective and see things in a new and different way…
