You never let go…

Three weeks ago, I stood in church and sang Matt Redman’s song, You Never Let Go, and cried (serious tears) as I sang,

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on

A glorious light beyond all compare

And there will be an end to these troubles

But until that day comes

We’ll live to know you here on the earth

I remember being struck by the promise of an end to all sorrow and pain, but wondered why I was having such an emotional reaction to this song. Everything seemed to be going well, everyone was healthy, and we had just gotten through Madi and Parker’s birthdays and Fiona’s dedication.

Little did I know that when our “number” was displayed in the middle of the sermon, Parker had just thrown up in his classroom, launching us into three weeks of sleeplessness, sick kids, and more than a little crankiness. While it pales in comparison to the struggles that many other families are facing with chronic sickness, natural disasters, and tremendous loss, it spun our little world into a mini-alternate reality.

And let’s be honest…we all get stopped in our tracks by something. Sometimes it is big stuff…a house that isn’t selling, a relationship that is fragmented, a job that is ending…and sometimes it is the day-to-day grind that drains the light out of our eyes.

We may not be able to control what happens to us, but I’m a firm believer that you still have a choice in how you respond. Unfortunately, my response this month was to be short-tempered, slightly out of it from not sleeping, and uncommunicative. Even my kids noticed…Madi and I had a long conversation about how I act when I’m frustrated…I guess I frown, and talk like this, “AARRRGGGHHHH!”

Thankfully, God doesn’t condition his love and support on my actions, because I would have been hung out to dry a long time ago. I am an imperfect person, quick to snap at the people I love, quick to turn away help, and quick to wallow in self-pity. Instead, He looks past all my shortcomings, and brings sweet comfort in all sorts of ways, like an unexpected meal brought by a friend, an encouraging phone call, or the words of a song stuck in my head…

Oh no, You never let go

Through the calm and through the storm

Oh no, You never let go

In every high and every low

Oh no, You never let go

Lord, You never let go of me

It has been a tough month…and it is probably not the last tough month we will face. But I know. For certain. God will be there with me. And that is something to celebrate.