Shopping (mis)adventures

Those of you who secretly followed me around the last few days will be familiar with the shopping mis(adventures) that the kids and I found ourselves in. For those of you who did not have the pleasure of enjoying our meltdowns, diapers, and teetering piles of baskets, please enjoy…

Baskets Galore: I’m in the process of helping Ben with some client gift baskets, which is requiring me to summon my “inner Cindy” (my Mom is the queen of baskets). And well, you need baskets first and foremost, so there we were, standing in a cramped aisle at Michaels, staring up at a huge shelf of baskets. (why are their aisles so narrow anyways…I don’t get it)

I’m holding Fiona with one arm, and pulling stacks of baskets off the shelf with the other, because of course, the baskets I want are in the middle of nested stacks. Parker is in the back of the tiny cart yelling that he wants me to buy him a blue and white checkered basket.

Somehow I managed, with Madi’s help, to untangle 15 baskets, and jam them into the cart. Discarded baskets line the aisle, and I just didn’t have the gumption to put them back, so I asked a worker, who has been restocking in the same aisle (and just watching me suffer, I might add), if I can leave them. She says, “I guess so”, but gives me the worst look! I wanted to say, “listen girlie, you could have helped me out here, you know…”

Oh, and I ended up buying the goofy basket for Parker…didn’t have a third arm to drag him out of the store screaming about it. Sneaky guy…hitting me while I’m down…

The Blowout: A little later in the day, we ended up at Target. I had Fiona in the Bjorn (thanks to moving her out of the carrier carseat) and as we walked back out to the car, I remembered that she had been straining as we were shopping. So, I figured that I could just whip out my changing pad onto the front seat and slap on a new diaper. Her poopy diapers have been thicker and more contained recently, since the arrival of baby food on the scene, so it should have been easy peasy.

Oh, was I wrong…

The inside of her pants was coated with gooey poop, and as I peeled them off, it got all over her socks and shoes. Then she stuck her hand right in it as I yelped for Madi to unbuckle and bust a move up to the front seat to help me.

I started a pile on the pavement, and threw wipe after wipe over my shoulder as I mopped up the mess. Somehow I managed to keep it off the car seat and out of Fiona’s mouth, and wrangled on a new diaper. But, I didn’t have any more clothes, because I had already changed her once after she spit carrots up all over. So, into the carseat she went, with just her coat and a diaper, with a blanket over everything. Parker and Fiona fell asleep on the ride home…can’t say that I blame them!

Boy on an Escalator: The next day, we headed to the new Barnes & Noble at Woodland Mall. Madi insisted that we go there, because after she went there with my Mom, she deemed it “so cool”. I’m not sure why I agreed, but I figured that since they just had to watch me get my H1N1 vaccine, we should do something fun and exciting. (This slightly skewed logic should have been my first clue that it was going to end badly.)

Granted, it is a very nice store, as B&N goes. We headed up the escalator to the kids department, and Madi read Parker a few books while I jiggled Fiona around in the sling…so far, so good. Then, Fiona pooped again, so I told the kids that we had to go downstairs and go to the bathroom. Parker freaked, mainly because I told him that I wouldn’t buy him the Spiderman book that he picked out (sometimes he confuses book stores with libraries…or maybe he was just trying to scam another purchase out of me). I didn’t cave this time, and half-dragged him to the escalator while praying that Fiona’s diaper would hold out. (This was especially important, because I had not put a new outfit in the bag after yesterday’s incident.)

Of course, the escalator wasn’t working, so we start walking down. Parker was totally against holding my hand, but I envisioned a header down metal steps, so I insisted he holds my hand. This results in Parker sitting down on the steps and refusing to move. As I negotiate with him, I failedl to recognize that we are clearly visible to the entire crowded first floor. Even when an employee makes her way up the steps to ask me if I need help, I turn to look behind me to see who she is talking to…only to realize that she is talking to me…how embarassing.

After a successful diaper change and a not-so-successful Parker tantrum (about Spidey again), we head to the register, only to be asked again if everything was okay on the escalator. Geez…was everyone watching us? I became the Mom people either feel sorry for or wonder why I brought my crazy kids to Barnes and Noble in the first place…

Today, we stayed home. It was a quiet and uneventful day, but after our shopping adventures this week…I may never leave the house again.

— Post From My iPhone