A couple of weeks ago, Ben was heading upstairs to bed around 11:30 when he stopped on the stairs, looked down at me still doing schoolwork and said, “wow, our kids are doomed…they are destined to be grinders just like us” He was referring particularly to this year so far where he has been busier at work than ever before and my tendency to take on way more responsibility than I should. It is rather a frightening thought that as parents we can pass on behaviors, personality traits, expectations (good and bad), even likes and dislikes.
I see this in my kids already in little ways…like when Madi reminds me to skip certain songs on a CD because “I don’t like them” (come on…it’s Wee Sing songs about witches…) or Madi’s newest fascination with cleaning…so she wants to “undust” the furniture (thanks Amelia Bedelia) almost every day. Or when I stayed home from church last week to relax and when Madi heard that I stayed in bed the whole time, said “Mama, you didn’t even do any grading?” (yep, it’s the truth)
It also makes me think about the things I picked up from my parents…two come to mind, even though there are many more I could relate…
From my Mom? The desire to make occasions extra-special, especially for her kids. Birthdays were always a big deal and we had the coolest parties with cutout cakes (I remember an awesome bunny cake one year covered in coconut) and games and favors that were a present in and of themselves. She still does this – with my kids and me too…packages and flowers and special surprises.
I try to do this with my kids too…perhaps on a smaller scale, but wanting things to be special for their birthdays. Plus, I get a little help from my Mom in this department…the queen of celebrations.
From my Dad? One thing I thought of was the value that decisions should be made with your family’s best interest in mind first, not your own. I feel like my Dad has always done this, even with job changes, to do what was best for us. Even now, he demonstrates this with the sacrificial use of his limited time. For the kids birthdays, he drove out to celebrate for less than 24 hours…without a second thought. In fact, we encouraged him to not come, and really? That wasn’t an option…
I see myself attempting to do this as a parent.. not always perfectly. I still get frustrated on those “no-nap” days or when I can’t send one e-mail without Parker sending it prematurely. But making decisions about housing, money and jobs all have to be first about the family…and yeah, I’d probably drive out 8 hours too if it had been me.
I pray that the legacy we pass down will pass muster…that they will grow up to be dedicated and caring and inclusive…all despite our shortcomings.
Your mom is the Queen of Celebrations! I totally remember that about her and the FUN care packages she’d send you! i.e. pizza shaped plates 😀 Love it!Good post – makes me wonder for sure what my kids will think of, when they think of me later in life. Kinda makes me want to kick it in gear, KWM?
Thanks for the memory of those lovely pizza plates 🙂 We had such a blast, didn’t we??